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Having a baby: Not priceless

September 13, 2010

So what does it cost to pull this crazy stunt, to enlist doctors, nurses, lab techs, geneticists, pharmacists and an unknown man or woman to create life where there was none before?

Your first visit to the RE, should you pick Fancy Shmancy Reproductive Medicine, will run you about $300 for a one-hour visit with a sensitive, intelligent, capable doctor. You will see possibly two more times over the next six months.

That $300 seems kind of expensive but is, in fact, the biggest bargain you will get during the ordeal.

At first it comes in dribs and drabs, and you feel like blood is being drawn from you using a blade of grass. Poke, poke, poke. Drip, drip, drip. $50 for prescription pre-natal vitamins (I asked if I could substitute Flintstones, but did not receive a response). $1,400 in initial blood work. Another $1,000 to $2,000 for the sperm (thanks, guys!). Your visit to the clinic shrink is free; your visit to your own shrink to prepare for it is not.

Estrogen patches will run you a few hundred, and then there’s the $50 you get to plunk down to go on birth control pills, something you didn’t really see yourself doing again in this lifetime. Soon enough, you want to scream, “Just give me a total amount, let me write a check and be done with it.”

Ten minutes after you scream that, a letter arrives in the mail: A $2,500 deposit is needed to retain your egg donor. Ten minutes after that, a second letter arrives: Your balance is due. It is $36,000.

Can I have that scream back now?

Here are a few things you can buy for $36,000:

A 20 percent downpayment on a two-bedroom house
The aforementioned Airstream trailer
Three and a half luxury safaris in Africa
Restitution to the local authorities after you falsely claimed your son had gone up in a weather balloon
Soccer legend Diego Maradona’s diamond earring
25 MacBook pros
A butler
A 2010 Nissan 370Z
A lottery ticket that may or may not, after half a dozen invasive procedures, result in a life

So yeah, it’s a lot of money. It’s money I once considered wasteful, selfish and narcissistic. My words: Not that tasty. It’s money that I’m spending, money that I’m blessed to have access to, mostly due to parents who saved a lot of money and are very generous, money that I am trying to cease dwelling upon.

And it’s not done yet. On Friday, I shelled out $3,000 for medications for the donor lady, and $900 for myself.

Did I mention insurance? No. I did not.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Mac permalink
    September 14, 2010 12:41 pm

    Yow! It’s so expensive!!

  2. Michigas permalink
    September 14, 2010 7:19 pm

    There’s no better way to spend money than for a Build-a-(Grand)Baby.

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