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Thumb-suckin’ fool

September 10, 2010

Being childless, not by choice, is an efficient way of reducing you to your 12-year-old self, seeing all your friends’ bras in gym class and wondering why you don’t have one yet.

My best friend had a baby last week. She’s my age, and I want nothing but happiness for her in this world.

But it doesn’t stop me from feeling bitter and petulant, immature and narcissistic. Facebook doesn’t help — it’s as if every woman over 40 is getting pregnant, and none of them needed to spend the equivalent of a 1963 Airstream trailer (I saw one for sale today; it was like retro porn). Of course, people don’t generally post on Facebook, “Anais came into the world today — thanks so much to the donor mom, the sperm bank and the reproductive endocrinologists who made it all possible!” Which leaves the rest of us feeling rather deficient.

You can want a baby for all the right reasons (are there right reasons?) and still feel like you were picked last for dodge ball.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Melissa Rogers permalink
    September 12, 2010 9:00 am

    I totally get this. I was shooting hormones in my ass when my younger sister got pregnant ON HER FIRST TRY. Then, she had the nerve to complain to me because she didn’t want to be pregnant but she didn’t think it would happen that fast. Bitch.

    • September 12, 2010 10:15 pm

      Thank you because just saying it makes me feel like a narcissistic bitch. Maybe we were both just permanently scarred by dodge ball.

  2. Karen Martin-Wilkins permalink
    September 13, 2010 10:29 am

    Well I was praising our reproductive endrocrinologist to anyone that would listen. We had 3 folks in my small office (less than 40 folks) who used him….we even started a Facebook Fan Page for him. The important thing is the goal….took me 7 IUI and 2 miscarriages to get pregnant after years of trying. Will keep my fingers crossed you get a successful outcome too!

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